Not Bein' Funny Milady
by TaraMoThaisce
Summary: Adventure, Romance and Courage, with plenty thrills and spills along the way, can a London Lady with a strange relationship with Robin make it in the woods alone, with the big, bad sheriff loose or will she need a hero. All characters, A/OC xoxo
1. Chapter 1

**Romance, adventure, thrills and plenty of spills. Is a city girl gone rogue finally a match for Allan. A/OC other characters inc.**

**Please R&R and be gentle, this is my first ever posting, criticism is v. welcome though, doing this instead of studying doesn't seem as bad if it improves my writing skills. That counts as study right?**

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It was the beginning of a very slow day for one Allan A Dale, worse even than every other day, for Allan's life wasn't the most enviable to begin with.

You see Guy of Gisborne, his boss.. cough.. Blackmailer… cough….. Mortal enemy.. Cough.. Only ally left….. ahem had screamed at him for falling asleep at his post the day before and, as a consequence of that, Allan was presently sitting in the damp, dark, disgusting dungeon, "guarding" the prisoners.

It was a mighty task fair enough, what with the prisoners consisting only of one weak, frail old man, imprisoned after admitting to a crime which his nine year old son had committed, the theft of a loaf of bread, and one waif like young woman, who lay under a pile of dirty blankets/rags, humming to herself and rocking ever so slightly over and back, the look of childish joy on her face giving her an insane quality. It was a challenging job indeed, due in full only to the mind numbing boredom which accompanied it.

And the guilt.

Oh, the guilt, the elephant in the room that Allan struggled with was fantastic at rearing its head if his mind was allowed to idle for too long, a fact which had lost him quite a few nights sleep lately, and a fact that made his current task unbearable. The guilt over his traitorous past, coupled with his close proximity to those that his actions and greed hurt the most, was slowly (ever so slowly for it wasn't past noon yet) making him lose his mind.

He craved action, he craved movement and noise and distraction. Not being funny but he's Allan A Dale folks. He craved friendship even more though. Allan A Dale was lonely and he was even beginning to lose his sense of humour, sometimes he even wondered if he would end up as insane as his company. Allan needed a friend but he had none left, that he'd made sure of. One thing he knew but is that he wasn't going to make any here.

Now a thing about the dungeon, THE thing, that every person who had ever stepped foot into it has hated the most, was the silence. That heavy, meaningful, ominous silence that seeped through your body and chilled you from the inside out, sending painful shivers through your bones.

It also made it very hard to organise an escape without being detected.

Most of the time at least.

And this was were our little waif, Isobel, was in luck, because her current jailer was less than dedicated to his work to say the least. In fact, she wasn't sure if he was even awake anymore. His eyes were open but they held no focus and looked clouded, almost as if he were blind.

He had a kind smile and quick walk, as if he was always impatient to go somewhere. It made him so out of place in the cells, where everything was ancient, creaking and stiff, and where the air was stale and putrid. She couldn't take her eyes of him. He reminded her of why she had come to the countryside to begin with, he was everything that London society was not, he seemed so ……… _unproper_.

Also he was prone to break into song every now and then, breaking the silence for a minute or two, clearing the air just a little bit. Giving the place at least some sign of life.

Maybe she would knock him out quickly and painlessly, she liked him after all.

The pain etched on his face was his only marring quality in Belles eyes.

Closing her eyes to him, she returned to the task at hand. Crafting the metal in her hand into a lock pick. It was almost time now.

_When the clock strikes noon, _she thought_,_

_when the clock strikes noon_.

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"Gisborne!" Sour in both tone and appearance, the Sheriff barged into his servants quarters, throwing the heavy doors open with surprising strength. He would blame Gisborne later for his tiring himself out, for such is the way of Vasey. Nothing is ever his own fault.

"Gizzy! Would you care to explain to me why there is only two people in our dungeons? Hmmmm…."

Gisborne rose from his seat and abandoned his whiskey on the table, his third glass of the night, and stood tall to address the annoying little man. He was not pleased at being pulled from his recluse.

"Well Gizzy. Why is there only two prisoners? Why is your best boyfriend the one guarding them? And why, pray tell, are you hiding in your bloody bedroom with a bottle of malt while this is being allowed!?"

Spittle shot from the fun-size dictators mouth as he screamed in Gisborne's face.

"Sir. I am punishing Allan, he has been far too rebellious as of late and I believe that the dungeon will break him finally and permanently."

"And there is no one _to_ arrest, every one has paid their taxes in full and no one has broken the law, I can't invent anymore false charges!"

"YES! YOU! CAN!"

The defiance melted into defeat on Gisborne's face and he bowed his head to his master.

"The prince is sending an observer to check if we, WE Gisborne, not I, WE are handling the outlaw problem, and presently, there are only two prisoners, of the vulnerable variety I might add, in chains and the outlaw infestation is worse than ever! And! AND!…. The only two criminals that you _have_ managed to apprehend are being kept captive by an ex-outlaw whose resolve to our cause is just less than desired!"

The Sheriff turned pumice with the exertion of his rampage, and with the blood vessels swelling in his eyes, he half resembled a gasping fish.

"Fix it Gisborne! Find Hood.." Vasey gags as he spits out Robins name. "Or fill the cells so full that our visitor won't notice that he's not there and _I DON'T CARE_ what you have to do to do it."

As the sheriff stomps away, Gisborne lifts his glass, surveys it, fills it full and drains it in the space of half a minute, before jogging after the sheriff.

It was going to be a long day.

_He closed the door just as the grandfather clock behind him struck twelve._


	2. Chapter 2

Please tell me what you think, even if you think its rubbish, I'm new at this and the direction would be good. Thanks for the one review the last chapter got, it made me write this one. Some background in this on Isobel, but some action too. :P. Xoxo.

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"DING!"

The rags fell away from Isobel in one fluid movement.

"DONG!"

Allan's head shot up as a lock clicked opened.

"DING!"

Gisborne reached the top of the stairs leading to the dungeon.

"DONG!"

Allan threw his body back just as Isobel raised a wooden post above his head, preparing to bring it down upon him.

"DING!"

Isobel landed beneath Allan and cried in pain as he held her roughly against the cold floor and Allan hesitated as he saw the delicate face of a young and frightened girl on his attackers body.

"DONG!"

"Allan!" Gisborne was closing in fast.

"DING!"

"Please, I beg you." Tears gathered in her eyes as Isobel pleaded for her life.

"DONG!"

Gisborne reached the foot of the steps and felt for the handle of the thick wooden door separating him from the cells. Allan stared at the shaking girl, unable to comprehend the situation in the slightest.

"DING!"

"Please sir, please. I'm Robin Hood's sister sir, that is my only crime. Please I have done no harm." Allan openly flinched at the mention of Robin's name and the pain that accompanied it.

"DONG!"

Gisborne made to open the door but excepting a rather loud groan it remained undisturbed. "No! No. Not Gisborne! Let me go! Let Me GO!" Isobel screamed like a scared child. "Be quiet and move." Allan would do one good thing today.

"DING!"

"Allan!" Gisborne unsuccessfully tried the door again.

"Its locked." Explaining to Isobel why Gisborne was not a threat at the moment, Allan jumped off the girl and hauled her roughly onto her feet pushing her in the direction of the small window, high up in the wall. "Now go!" He ordered.

"DONG!"

Relief washed over Isobel's damp face. "Thank you! May god bless you. Oh but thank you." She hurried to the window.

"Giz! She escaped! She escaped and locked the door Giz! Wait I can't find the key. Wait."

Isobel reached the window and hauled herself onto it. She turned to Allan before she slipped out. "Thank you again……… Allan."

"S'nuthing to me love. Now would you just go!"

Allan waited until he could no longer see her before making a racket about finding the key. He furtively glanced at the window once more before letting his master into the room.

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She was free again.

Free and alone.

It was the beginning of a harsh winter in Nottingham and Isobel was a well bred London noble woman currently dressed in nothing but a long slip and slippers, both of which were fairly battered after a week in that rotten jail.

And now that she was out, she hadn't any idea of what to do.

She had arrived a week ago and expected to find an empty house, having heard of her brothers unlawful in-discretions, and was amazed to find a party underway in her home. Until that night she had understood her brothers outlaw status to be an exaggeration, she had known Robin as a child before she was sent to London to enter society when she was 12, and could not for a second fathom him committing a crime against the crown. She had teased him enough about worshipping the King as it was.

Isobel had been naive enough to believe that her brother was just playing rogue and that he would return to his senses. Not once had she heard of how much trouble he had become and never did her aunt in London disclose to her the nature of the crimes that her brother had committed. Isobel had only ever heard them call him silly and petulant.

But now she understood. She understood it all, all at once. Quite an education for an eighteen year old in the space of a week but Gisborne had been dedicated to her tuition.

Every day she understood more and more. She understood now why someone else was living in her house, she understood now why her London guardians never talked off Nottingham and why they strongly opposed her visiting, insisting that it was for her own safety, and she understood most of all why her brother turned against the law.

Here, where she expected to escape the coldness of London and seek solace, the law did not exist in any normal format.

One thing that did puzzle Isobel, was why she had been kept so much in the dark. This she did not understand, try and try as she might to find meaning in it.

It could not have been for her safety for it had gotten her into this mess.

Not knowing any of the facts, she had stolen away to visit her lands in the country side and was imprisoned for it, and not knowing any information on her brother earned her nothing more than an indefinite stay in jail. A worthless pawn at the minute, but valued slightly as a wild card to be used to the sheriffs advantage if ever the situation was dire enough.

Not she definitely did not understand at all and she wouldn't for some time, for presently, finding a suitable hiding place was a slightly more imminent task.


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! I love that you like my story so I updated super fast, I hope you enjoy it and let me know. R&R. Xoxo Tara.

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"Oh, la-di-da Gizzy, she escaped, its sad, blah, blah, blauh. We have more important thing to deal with." Gisborne turned a strange shade of pumice at the Sheriffs use of his nickname. Another thing to add to his 'I hate Allan' list.

It was funny you know. Gisborne used to like Allan. He was 'his man'.

But now he was just a noisy and obvious nuisance.

One that Gisborne would gladly be rid off. Already, he could imagine the sound that he would make when he killed him and fingered the hilt of his sword in anticipation. He would tell people that Robin Hood had killed him at last for his treachery. They'd be glad.

"Gisborne, have you even the decency to listen to my plan or should I just send you out on your own ideas and resign myself to your failure now?"

The portly Sheriff strolled around the round table in the other wise empty room, his slippers clacking on the marble floor, before answering his own query.

"A clue, no. Now listen! It is unfortunate that you let half of your prisoners escape of course, even more unfortunate seeing that you let Hood's sister escape, indeed. But we shall over come your failure Gisborne and hood's head will be mine. By dinner time tomorrow at that. The plan Gisborne, I call 'Fall from grace.'"

"Yes Sheriff and I will Kill Locksley this time, I promise you that."

"Oh yes Giz, yes you will."

"Oh and guy, I hope you're not too fond of that boyfriend of your's because, well, **_he is the plan. _What's his name again…….."**

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"Allan!"

He found him absentmindedly supervising a delivery of ale, and smelling suspiciously stale with it.

"Yes Sir guy."

Allan bit his tongue on his jokes for now, for one thing, he still hadn't entirely recovered from his good deed and for another, he was increasingly nervous around Guy of late as it was. Something had changed in the man, something bad.

"Follow me now. We're going after Hood tomorrow."

"Is this about his sister Guy? Get to him before she does sort a thing?"

"No, no this has nothing to do with young Isobel. That was simply bad timing. No, the fact is that if we have not captured Hood by Sabbath next then the consequences for us all will be dire indeed, and you Allan, have a starring role to play."

"A starring role hey, not being funny Giz, but I always did fancy myself as a player."

Gisborne gritted his teeth and forced himself to be civil.

"Good, good. I don't think you'll have any trouble here then. No trouble at all."

The men grew silent as they each mounted tall, stout, chestnut geldings and rode into Locksley. Gisborne bearing a smile very much like a sadistic chessire cat.

Only two things ever made Gisborne smile like that.

One was Marian and the other, well, nothing good ever came from it I assure you.

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"You're a traveller you say child?"

The thick cut man peered down at the quivering mass of blankets on his doorstep.

"Going to visit your aunt in Mansfield?"

The quivering blankets nodded slightly and mumbled an affirmation.

"And your father is bartering goods in the town and asked you to meet him tomorrow, s'that right?"

"Yes, sir. And I wouldn't be any trouble and I can cook well. I will prepare you a good dinner if you just allow me to spend the night in your barn. I'd be so grateful."

The man surveyed the young and obviously frightened woman. He was no stranger to nobility, he had met the Lord of Locksley and Master Robin enough times to recoignise the manners of someone of importance and this woman was no travellers daughter.

But this was Locksley after all, and what with Robin helping them so much, they had adapted a see no evil, do no evil approach to less than lawful occurrences. As long as he was ignorant, she could stay. Not that he would tell her that yet though. He was a single father with two hungry children.

"You say you can cook lass."

"Yes sir, yes i can." Isobel smiled for the first time in too long and followed her saviour into the house.

Tonight she would sleep with pigs, but even that was as welcoming as her woollen sheets would have been after the horrors of the past week.

And maybe tomorrow she would find her brother at last. God only knows how much explaining he had to do.

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The camp was quiet that night. Things had been slow for about a week now and the gang were growing nervous. Whatever the sheriff was planning, it wouldn't be good.

They just wished they knew what it was.

"Robin!"

The gang jumped to their feet. Will standing inches in front of Djac, Little John at the head of them all, staff in hand, and Much on the right hand side of Robin, the only member who didn't look the least bit worried.

"Marian!" He called happily as he ran to meet his fiance.

Everyone sat down once more, their disappointment betrayed by their faces.

"Robin! I can't stay…… but…. but the Sheriff….. Robin the Sheriff…." Marian drew in deep painful breaths as her body recovered from her sprint through the forest.

The gang stood up again, but this time in concern.

"What is it live. Take your time. Did he hurt you?"

"No.. no. He hasn't touched me, but Robin…. Robin I think he's going to kill Allan!"


End file.
